So let's talk about Sex

3 letters.  That can instill fear into the heart of any parent.  
Where to start the story?  When to start the story?  What part of the story should you tell and what part should you leave to the long-suffering Life Sciences & Life Orientation teachers?

Where?  Well the beginning is a great place.  When?  If you are wondering there is a strong chance you are too late.  What part? All of it.  You are the parent.  The school is the re-enforcer.  And if the detail is traumatic to you ... well in such cases you may have to lean on the above mentioned teachers a tiny bit more. 

This is the BBM, Whatsapp, SMS, Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Internet and so much more age.  Children as young as 7 are getting fancy smartphones, very often with the Internet access enabled because the phone serves the dual role of being their information "go-to" place for projects etc.  The very brutal truth, however, is that more and more that very same Internet is the "go-to" place for a plethora of pornographic sites, chat rooms and all kinds of stuff. 

Kids wandering into these are getting younger and younger and the days of this being a boys only sport are gone.  Girls are sometimes even bigger culprits here than boys.  What drives them?  Curiosity mostly, but in this age of the softening of age restrictions on movies, with some of these being shown in the prime time 8pm slots at night, where innuendos of sex without conscience are rife, the superbly easy access to Internet and the opportunity to chat to anyone, anywhere in the world, about anything at the push of a button, it is so easy.  The innocence of a teenager being flattered by the words of someone they think is 16 and kind.  Instead the person could also be 40 and on the prowl.  "Selfies" are all the rage at the moment with # anything you can think of.  These are fun and innocent when capturing everyday life and such ..... however for some they quickly spiral into a "you show me and I show you" whirlpool into which minor kids and young adults can find themselves very quickly sucked into. 

By the time you think of talking to your kids, they have probably long ago already gained all their information from their peers and other media sources. This is not a bad thing.  Kids relate easier to their peers but one needs to keep in mind that not everyone has the same moral or religious views, values and ethics and not everyone views or treats others with the respect they deserve.  If you truly cringe at the thought of keeping your child informed, in time, than at least try and find a family member or friend that can intervene. And please call things by their proper names ..... - LO and Life Science teachers are to be commended here.  They are frank, direct and open to questions.  My daughter, who wrote Matric last year, would tell me exactly what was discussed over the years from Gr 10 onwards, and she was in a co-ed school.  Boys must know about girls and vice-versa.  And yes, there will be giggling and shuffling in the class. But it passes.  And they learn.  And it is age appropriate. 

The birds and the bees and the wonderful stork are beautiful and moving.  And untrue and I promise that most little kids know that already. 

You have a duty to educate your child.  To inform them.  To warn them.  To share with them.  In a positive and natural way.  Remember you are not trying to scare them off.  You are arming them.  All in good time. 

And please, this particular blog is not meant to be judgemental.  Nor is it aimed at adults.  Life happens. To us all.  It is a hard and fast world.  I am an adult.  I know this.  See it.  Experience it.  I have friends who know this.  See it. Experience it.  It is not about condoning choices... it is about reality. And how that is managed.  Let them that throw the first stone ..... 

But if you have kids - do the right thing.  On time. 

Till then, 
take a Leap of Faith 

Teenage Boys. Where is the manual?

They don't come with instructions.  Or a how to launder tag.  Or a manual.  They don't come with a DIY booklet. 

Teenage boys.  If you have a girl, so do I, but they come with their own challenges. 

So as a loving Catholic mom .... and as a service to other moms ...... of teenage boys ...... I offer the following pearls of wisdom:

1. You are not cool.  Ever.  You don't walk or talk cool.  So avoid use of words such as "dude", "wicked", "babes" etc
2. If you fetch your son at school and his buddies are around, refrain from waving or making eye contact.  Do not alight from the vehicle.  Simply park and kill engine.  If you wait for more than 2 hours after that,  it is customary to walk closer to aforementioned child, however only making the slightest nod of your head to indicate "I am here".   My 15 year old has me well trained. 
3. He loves you.  He does.  However he has the hormone control of a blazing space shuttle hurtling through midair.  It is normal for him to ignore you completely for 3 hours, even though you have done nothing unacceptable, and then to come and sit next to you later and say "let's watch something together".  Do not make an issue out of it.  Find something to watch!! And if he wants to watch Football Funnies, do it.  This is bonus time with him. 
4. Church.  So he has done his FHC and he follows all the days of Obligation and he comes to Mass 95 % of the time.  Be grateful.  All teenagers need to question their Faith.  Not abandon it.  But question it.  How can they answer questions about it or enter into debate with someone around it if they do not challenge and question it along the way? So they go along.  Sometimes they sing.  Sometimes they don't.  Sometimes they mutter.  Many times they don't.  Your job is to ensure that you guide, lead and share the Catholic experience with them.  They will find their place.  I promise. 
5. Romance.  It is acceptable to ask how the girlfriend is.  Do not however do the 3rd degree under the fluorescent lights in the kitchen.  When he asks advice, give it - gently.  When he seems a little lost or maybe on the wrong track, steer - gently. Remember that you too were in High School.  You too fell madly in love and envisaged a life together for ever and ever.  Boys' hearts also get broken.  In such a case # 2 becomes quite prevalent.  Be there.  Nothing more.  Nothing less. 
6. Never say "are you going out in that?".  He is.  Else why else would he have put it on. So unless he is half naked or wearing something completely socially unacceptable, turn a blind eye.  He probably hates your mom jeans too.  But I don't see you taking them off. 
7. Sport or Cultural Activities.  Support him.  However please remember that shrieking, waving, cheering loudly, going whoop whoop, screaming "that's my boy", handshaking and such are frowned upon.  Remain in your chair, or better still your car.  And reward on field achievements with that slight head tilt as in # 2. 

Most of all ..... LOVE, LOVE AND MORE LOVE.  On the good days, the bad days and the inbetween days.  No-one says parenting is easy.  So bite your tongue, bang your head on your steering wheel, have some rescue remedy when needed, and love him (just not publicly). 

Till soon

Take a Leap of Faith 

xxx